A Little Bit of Sad

Hi, I know, it's been a while. It's totally not that I forgot I had this. Um, so a lot has changed since I last posted on here. I'm about to turn 16. Yeah, I've had a lot of sadness in my life since October of 2014. Two months after I posted that, my Papaw passed away. He wasn't your average grandfather, not in the slightest. He was young, passing away at the age of 59. I'll tell you, he wasn't the nicest person in the world, but that was how he showed you he cared. Honestly if he was nice to you he probably didn't like you. His passing was a shock to the whole family. It was out of the blue on December 19th, at 3 in the morning. My mother got a call from my Nini, and she quickly left to be with her. I didn't find out until later that day after I had taken all of my midterms and was out for Christmas break. Everything after that was such a whirlwind. I was at my Nini's house everyday from morning till night just trying to be there for her. My aunt came around for the first time in a while, and we spent a long time just looking at pictures and laughing about things in the past. It was good to shunt aside the pain for a little while, but later it was so hard. The pain hit like an 18 wheeler. It kept me up for hours just trying to keep my sobs quiet. We said our final goodbyes to him on December 23rd, 2014. Christmas came and went, but it was different without him. It was hard, and it hurt like hell.

A few days after Christmas, we found out Papa had pancreatic cancer. It hurt a lot considering we had only just started grieving for Papaw. My Granny and Papa raised my mama and her siblings, so we were really close to them. Papa was 85 years old, so he couldn't go through chemo and all of the tough cancer treatments. On January 20th of 2015, Papa passed away. It was like a shot through the heart. God it hurt. We were so confused as to why life would be so freaking hard for us; it was like the universe was against us. We went through hundreds of pictures and we laughed and cried, and we tried to hold ourselves together, at least for a little while. All the pain was duplicated as we went through everything again. My mother had just lost her father, and now she lost her grandfather. My sister, brother, and I lost two amazing grandparents, and we still had yet to mourn the loss of our Papaw.

Granny, Papa's wife, was obviously having a hard time. Papa passed away eleven days before their 66th anniversary. Granny was in obvious pain every single day. It really hurt us to see her like that. Not too long afterwards, Granny fell, and was hospitalized. While in the hospital, something happened and she became unresponsive. As much as we tried not to get our hopes up, the nurses were saying she was improving, and we felt a slight bit of hope that she would pull out of it. Unfortunately, she passed away the morning of April 3rd, 2015. It was insane how much it hurt. We still hadn't been able to mourn for Papaw or Papa, and now we had to try and mourn Granny as well.

Our lives have been changed forever. We lost three insanely amazing people within a matter of months. All of us are still trying to mourn the loss of these special people. It still hurts, and not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of them. Every single day I wish that they were here to witness the things that have been going on in my life. I want them to know my triumphs, and I want them to be here to comfort me in my fails. I know it sounds selfish, but I want my grandparents here for myself. God I miss them.